Rooted in Love: Honoring Hazelle

Just eight years after losing Jim, we said goodbye to Steve’s mom, Hazelle, on March 3. She had battled breast cancer for all of those eight years, with incredible strength and grace. And when it came time to plan her service, it was up to the four of us, because there was no surviving parent to guide the way.

I led the charge on the overall planning, coordinating with the funeral home, helping organize family members from out of state, and making sure the many moving parts came together with care and intention. I also wrote her obituary, ironically, though I’d known her the shortest amount of time, I had come to know her deeply. And it was a true honor to tell her story.

We worked closely with a kind young pastor who, in a poetic twist, had also studied at St. Olaf, just like Steve and I had. Meredith, with her biblical studies background, took the lead on the service. She chose scripture and music that reflected Hazelle’s deep faith, and created a beautiful slideshow set to The Prayer by Josh Groban and Charlotte Church, both of whom Hazelle had seen perform live.

We included photos from the unforgettable Mediterranean cruise Steve and I took with her just six months earlier to celebrate her 75th birthday. Venice to Athens by sea, then up to Zermatt to spend her actual birthday at the base of the Matterhorn, toasting her at a flambe restaurant. That’s when I gave her the Norwegian sweater, an homage to her 100% Norwegian heritage. She was buried in that sweater.

The four of us created photo boards that celebrated every chapter of her life, her beloved Wisconsin cabin (which Steve still owns), her friends, her family, and her many adventures. We displayed cherished mementos alongside the boards. I designed the flowers again: soft pinks, corals, and whites, accented with spring peach colored quince branches. One person told me they were the most beautiful funeral flowers they had ever seen. We included the heart-shaped wreath, as we had done for Jim, filled with handwritten notes, and gently placed it in the casket.

At the church luncheon, we scattered vases of blooms across the tables and laid open Bibles with coral roses marking Hazelle’s favorite scriptures. We invited guests to take flowers home with them. Hazelle had a lot of friends, near and far, and we wanted each one to feel part of her sendoff. Her work family came out in full force too, sharing stories, hugs, and tears. She had worked with many of them for decades, and the love they showed was just as deep as any family bond.

A talented creative friend of mine illustrated the cover of the program: a hand-drawn quince tree in full bloom, which we had printed on special paper. Steve, Greg, and Meredith all shared heartfelt tributes to a life well-lived. Several family members, some from out of state, once again served as pallbearers.

Every March since, I place fresh quince branches on our mantel, next to a framed wedding photo of Jim and Hazelle and that beautiful drawing. We also planted a maple tree next to their graves. It wasn’t the spring-blooming crabapple we originally hoped for, but it turns a brilliant blaze-orange each fall, one of their favorite seasons. Hanging from a branch is a handcrafted birdhouse with their names, so future visitors will know: this tree was planted with love, in their honor.

Hazelle loved to go birding, especially with her older sister Vee, who came from Michigan for the service. So now, the birds can come sleep in the little house next to her grave. Just as she would have wanted.

Losing both Jim and Hazelle in our 40s was heartbreakingly hard. But I think they’d be proud of how we honored them, rooted in love, family, and beauty.